The biggest problem with migraines is they are not a visible illness. You can't see them. Migraines don't show up on CT Scans or MRIs. My brain looks normal the problem is it doesn't feel normal. And, yes, my brain is in there; I've seen it! Vanderbilt did an MRA and it was very cool to actually SEE my brain. It's picture perfect. I wish it showed something. Even a tiny sign on my brain that says: Pain starts here would be fantastic. Then the doctors could see it and have proof that I'm not lying to them or creating the pain myself. Trust me, I want a life and this wasn't the life I had in mind.
After so many difficulties with previous pain management docs I have come up with three criteria that one must meet:
1. You must believe my pain is REAL. I will be honest with you, but you must understand that migraines are real and extremely painful.
2. You must not give up on me. I can't give up on myself and I need a doctor that won't give up on me either. When a treatment fails, keep trying and trying. Never quit.
3. When I have a migraine that I cannot control with my home medications you must be willing to help me. I want to quit going to the ER. They're getting sick of me, and the ER is the last place you want to be with a migraine (screaming babies and crazy people).
Let me just say that I don't think my 3 criteria should be that hard to meet. Boy was I wrong. The new doc, we'll call him jerk #3, was shockingly rude. I've always heard about those doctors who are rude and don't want to hear anything you say. I'd never met one until yesterday. My neuro had sent me the paperwork to fill out in the mail, and I'd noticed that no where in the documentation did it ask about my previous treatments or places where I'd attempted treatment. It barely asked any questions at all. The other 2 pain management doctors that I'd gone to had extensive questionnaires. They wanted to know everything I'd ever done since birth. This was warning sign number 1.
He had a lovely Indian accent. I love those. His English was good, but his manners were atrocious!! He asked me what I had and I told him I have chronic migraines. That's where he cut me off. He started poking around on my neck and I expected that. He discovered I have a lot of pain in my neck (already knew that). Then he went right in to explaining what nerve blocks he was going to do. I spoke up to inform him I'd already had numerous nerve blocks in my neck. He didn't care. "No questions, I'm explaining!" Nice. Not! He started explaining my problem was in the area of my Greater Occipital Nerve (duh, that's where all migraines originate.) No matter how I tried to explain that we'd been through treatment from many, many different doctors and clinics over the years, he just kept cutting me off.
He asked, "Do you work?" I told him I'd had to quit working 4 years ago due to the migraines. You should have seen the ugly look I got for that one, and he said, "Other people work with headaches." Great, this is getting ugly. He then asked me what I did when I used to work, and I told him I used to be a Kindergarten teacher. "You're an intelligent woman, if you were a teacher. I will give injections in your neck here (pointing to neck on poster). I don't want to hear block isn't working because I put a steroid in with the block and your neck will swell here (on the outside). Don't tell me it made it worse because the swelling is on the outside and your pain is here (in spine). Many people say it hurt and I don't want you telling me about pain because it's swelling. There will be a bump".......blah......blah.......blah. I won't even tell you what was going through my head at this point. After he had talked AT me for 2 minutes. He finally took a breath and I attempted to get words out. I ATTEMPTED to explain that I'd have all those nerve blocks before, I'd been to one of the best migraine clinics in the country, and to Vanderbilt for treatment. I think I got out three or four words out before he returned to talking AT me. He simply didn't care what I'd tried. THIS was what HE was going to do. "I must use scientific approach." "I don't do narcotics." Fine, but will you help me with the pain I have and help to ease it, something, because I have excruciating migraines at least 2 or 3 times a week and my pain NEVER goes away. My neurologist sends me to the Cancer Treatment Center about once a week for a Stadol injection.....And I kid you not, "NO ONE HAS EVER DIED FROM A HEADACHE! YOU CAN'T DIE. Lay down in dark quiet room ,take aspirin or ibuprofen'"... This was the point at which I imploded. I kept my mouth shut and Phillip was sitting open mouthed in shock. We were both in shock. How dare he? I explained that my neurologist expects him to treat the pain when I have a migraine that is beyond my control. He reiterated that I can't die and told me, "okay, I give you few more minutes to explain why no narcotics. I must use scientific approach. Americans think they going to die from pain. They won't. No one needs narcotics." I told him, "I'm not asking for narcotics, just help with severe migraines." He said...........blah............blah............blah............I'm an inconsiderate a-hole.............blah........blah.........I don't care about your pain.........................you won't die...................... At least that is what I heard. I had completely tuned him out at this point and my eyes had welled up with tears. I did NOT want to cry in front of this jerk. "Go back out front." Great! Now I had to go back into the packed waiting room and sit there and try desperately not to cry. I couldn't do it. I headed to the bathroom as quickly as I could. I was in there for a very long time trying to recover, but I just couldn't stop crying. I finally got back to the waiting room and told Phillip to talk about anything just not what had just happened. He was still stunned so he handed me a magazine to read. I couldn't keep it all in, but I was trying really hard. The appointment secretary finally called me and started to set up a date for my MRI, then 2 dates for nerve blocks in my neck. Eventually we exited the building and I burst out sobbing.
This man didn't meet any of the 3 criteria I'd set for a good pain management doc. NOT ONE!!! After a few hours of pondering over things I decided I'm not giving this jerk any of my money or waste my insurance company's money on this man. He didn't deserve it. Pain management doctors #1 and #2 had already done the nerve blocks. We knew they didn't work. I called jerk #3's office and asked him to release me back to my neurologist because I cannot see a doctor who is so uncaring and tells me I can't die from this. The receptionist asked me if he'd really said that. Oh yes he did! She told me, "Well, get this message to Dr. G*** and we'll get back to you." As far as I'm concerned there's no need to contact me again. I have enough trouble being me, I'm not going to tolerate a jerk-wad doctor talking down to me like some wimpy, whiny baby. I never wish migraines on my worst enemy, but this man needs to have a severe, month long migraine that never lets up. Then he might understand the difference between a migraine and a headache. They are WORLDS apart. Solar systems apart.
Once my composure had returned I spent the remainder of the day searching the Internet and making phone calls to migraine clinics in the vicinity trying to find an understanding doctor. I'm not going blind into any more pain management offices. NEVER AGAIN!
Hour after hour I came across articles about how American pain management doctors do not treat pain for many of their patients. I had no idea so many were sharing the same struggle of finding a HELPFUL doctor. There are whole websites dedicated to advocating for those suffering from chronic pain and cannot find relief. I will keep looking until I find one. Wish me luck :)
